It's his birthday

I would never forget that very first love I had. I would never forget how calm and addicting his voice was. Who would imagine that it all started with him singing those beautiful notes. Who would have imagined that distance weren't really a problem from him and I. Well, at least not until I got my ass to across the border line, but we were good.

It's his birthday. I remember well. The birthday of someone that was the very first important person in my heart. I used to call on his birthday. Three times, I believe, of those almost three years we had. He always pretended that he was shocked that I remembered. How could I forgot such an important date?! Even until now, I still remember. On every 13th of September, I always remember. He was so far, but yet so close.

Now, when he was just a few miles away from me, I have no courage to actually go and meet him. How long has it been since we called it quit?! Four years? Five? I don't know. And I do not want to know. I do not want to know how long it has been for be to be so pathetic still think of him as someone important.

Do I still love him? Maybe, I don't know. But I can feel that I need to remember his presence, because without him, I won't be who I am right now. It was him that made me discover the beauty of the religion that I believe in. It was him the one that made me believe that I should not just be a muslim on my ID, but deep inside my heart as well. I have to say that I'm still far from what he said a soleha. But I know that without him, I wouldn't even take the first step to be one.

I still remember those little sneaking up that we did because we didn't want my parents to find out about us. I still remember how he used to sing the song that I made until I was so sick of my own song. I still remember how his writing looks like. And I always love the way he address himself with his name and the way he called my name. He never treated me like a kid, no matter how much he knew how mature he were and how I was being such a brat.

It's his birthday. And all I did was sending him an sms. I still haven't found the courage to say "Thank you for what we had." Because we never really had any fight. We never really had any argument. We were just being there for each other.

Sigh. Really. Thank you for what we had. And happy birthday.