My my-pace attitude.

I have a my-pace problem since like long ago. So what is this my-pace problem?! It's when I'm doing stuff according to my own pace, obviously. It's not only about when I'm doing stuff in one-two-three-done only, but also when I'm taking my own sweet time at doing something as well. Which one of these two that I often do?! It's pretty obvious, the taking-my-own-sweet-time one. Yeah. I'm always late for class, for like five minutes and so. Or when I promise to meet up with my friends. But really. everyone seems pretty much okay with it.

Yet, occasionally, when I just feel like it, or when it's something that needs to be carefully planned out (I like to do things step by step and according to schedule), I will have this I-want-to-do-it-now-and-fast attitude. I don't like last minute work when it involves people around me. When it's only me (things like studying or cleaning up my room and stuff), I don't mind taking my time because it will only affect me and myself alone. And I can still force myself not to sleep the night before exam or force myself to sit in front of the lappy ten hours non-stop. I can mentally bare it (sometimes my body can't). But when it involves not just me, I like to plan it out and carefully think of it, and yet get it done quick.

A certain occasion where my friends and I are going to have a graduation trip is currently pissing me off. I made the schedule as fast as I can, asked my mom about accommodation, as well as transport, and I gave my mom our full names for Jogja's tickets. I got almost everything I need to get done, DONE! I even bought my ticket. One of my friend was about to buy the ticket just with the same time with me, but she got problem with her card, that she would have to do it later. That, I'm totally fine with it. Because it's something that cannot be avoided. Yet, another friend of mine have to buy the ticket later than us because she has some problem with her parents.

At one glance, I know that it seems that the last case is unavoidable as well. Or is it?! I've been telling her to ask her parents since like long ago because I know that her parents are pretty strict just like mine, that something like this has to be discussed long before the planned day. I've asked my mom about this since the day I started my third year so that in future I wouldn't have to have any kind of quarrel with her. On the other hand, she said her side is just totally fine and there's nothing to be worried about. Which actually turn out that I have to worry about it now. I hate it when things aren't just according to plan. Yes, I'm being unrealistic, but this is something that supposedly can be prevented from the beginning.

People find this side of me (the I want to get it done quick) annoying. They tend to dislike it. Thing of it as arrogant and selfish. Yes, I admit it. But I've been in the fast track since I was young and it's really difficult to change it. I have to admit that I never didn't get anything that I want. When I wanted an iPod but my dad didn't want to buy it for me, I didn't find it as a problem. I saved some of my allowance and bought it myself. When I wanted a car, my dad said that my mark wasn't good enough to make me eligible to get one. So I worked my ass off so I could get a car. That was how I grew up. Setting up a target, and do whatever I can to get it.

Some said I'm rich and lucky and bla bla bla bla. They just do not know how I got all that. My phone, I bought all of them by saving money from my allowance (not the latest one, because it was a birthday gift). My gadgets like my iPod or wacom graphic tablet, I saved up money to buy them. My camera, yes, this one I have to admit I got it because my dad got sick of it and decided to give it to me. But I was halfway of saving my money to get my own when I got it. Some actually say that I spend alot when I shop. Yes, I do. But really, how many times do I actually go out for shopping?! Like once every one semester?! And some say that it's just ridiculous to buy a KAT-TUN original cd or dvd. So?! I appreciate their music and I pretty much think that the entertainment that I got from it is worth paying for. It's not my problem that they don't like KAT-TUN.

One more thing. I don't get this one friend of mine. Sometimes I feel like I'm part of his circle, yet the next thing I know, I'm not. I can find my self being around his friends and him for like a couple of days, and after that I find myself back in my own pace, doing everything myself, or back with my best friend. It's just somehow tiring when you are part of so many circles of friends. I went to computer lab with my best friend, and his friends and he were there. Okay, I was in a rush and was quite pissed from some incident where my housemate just simply make me have to pay first for my other friend for next three months house rent, that I didn't really greet them. At least one of them, who happens to be Indonesian too, greeted me, and I greeted him back. I could literally heard some of them say, "She's here~.." to this one friend of mine. I glanced at him, and he didn't even bother to look at me, and pretended to look cool. "Eh? She's here?" he replied his friend. If I were you, who do you think the she here?! Obviously you would think that it was you, right?! RIGHT?! What am I?! A statue standing just not far away from him.

I was kind of busy booking my ticket and stuff that I didn't have time to engage in any kind of conversation with him or the rest of his gank. Again, my pace attitude. It's killing my reputation sometimes. Then I walked over to his friend who was sitting in front of him, asking for a calculator. Then to the one beside him, and at the end to him. I talked loud enough for him to hear it but he didn't say anything about HAVING a calculator until I asked him personally! Argh! He even didn't actually look at me when he said he had it or when he gave it to me! I was like blaaaahhhhhh!! AM I ONE OF YOUR CLOSE FRIEND OR NOT?! Please make it clear, dude! Sometimes calls me up for dinner, some other time he didn't even bother my where about.

I think. I'm just tired. I really need to stop being so taking my time or so doing it with my own fast speed, or I will get mentally tired all the time like this. When I feel like doing something extremely quick or fast, but carefully planned, it wears me out. Mentally. And people around me sometimes doesn't understand that. I'm a moody person, and yes I'm aware of that. It's not that I'm not trying to change it, I am trying. So yeah.