Gu Gu Gah Gah!

I'm trying to be this one optimistic girl that I was once. But really, don't you find it harder to do so the older you get?! One thing I realised about age is that, it is indeed will affect how you potray life and how you would react to a certain reaction. Upon a realisation of how the world is actually not as naive as it seems, I realise that an old song from my home country, where it says that world is merely just a stage with human being as acting on it, is not just based on something empty.

The possibility of what you say is just an act, or merely something to avoid conflict, keeps on getting higher by every tick that the clock made. I'm aware of how thick the mask I'm wearing at the moment. Particularly because I believe people don't really see me as I am. They see only what I want them to see. The impression of me from a friend will be totally different from another friend. Reason? Pretty simple. I wear different mask and act differently to different people.

So, does that mean I'm fake? Not necessarily. Those masks are pretty much part of the self identity that I claim to have. I have many. Lots of them. I can define myself both from the positive point of view and negative point of view. So, who am I actually? That will be totally depend on which side of me I'm showing you. You can assure that I'm pretty not close to you if I act REALLY nice. Getting involve with someone that don't interest me or I don't really comfortable to be with are not something I like. I will most probably keep some distance.

So what if I'm being really mean and yet in the same time always sounds polite and nice to you? Simple. I don't like you. I tend to criticize those that I despise a lot. Every single thing that comes out from their mouth is just another opportunity to actually throw some knives around, if possible directly to them. Yet in the same time, I don't like to be a bitch. Or at least that obvious. It would be one reason why I will still act nice and polite to you. But really, this one is a very rare occasion.

Then you might start wondering around, what about when I'm actually being sarcastic, always tease you around, never praise you, and yet always there with you when you ask me to? Oh come on, I'm pretty sure that you are not an idiot. Just simply because I love you!! I'm not good at expressing my feelings to those that I love. Saying "I love you" to them usually something pretty absurd for me. But when I actually do say it, I ALWAYS mean it. Of course despite the fact that I might say that I was just joking after that, I really actually ALWAYS mean it.

So what's love for me?! Loads of thing. I love my family and friends. Love is not just something I feel towards someone that I got attracted to (read: crush, boyfriend, husband). It has a wide meaning, really.

Probably by you start to wondering how all this related to my first statement of how I would love to become this one optimistic girl again. Very simple. By accepting the fact that human being is complex and that reality might actually just a play on a glamorous stage, I can start thinking more positively.

Oh.. It's 6pm.. Gotta go. Dinner date (read: this is a massive lie)