realisation

i really need to sit down and think of what i've done.. i kind of realise that i'm very lucky.. as the matter of fact, i just never tried to see my life from different perspective.. not everyone got the chance to study abroad.. not everyone got the chance to get what i have..

it drives me crazy lately how things turned out to keep reminding me of God.. i feel guilty of sometimes just taking the Khaliq as granted.. i'm nothing compare to the beauty and curving curves of universe that was created by the Khaliq.. i'm not in a position to be proud of what i can do best with that stupid photoshop CS3..

it hurts even more to realise how much i've been neglecting my Quran reading.. seeing Agha studies the Quran eagerly made me realised that the Rahman still wants me to be a better person.. still wants me to come back to the peaceful and right path that i was once in.. i feel blessed that the Rahim still gives me sign to realise what i did wrong.. i don't need my dad yapping around scolding me for not reading the Quran.. i need me to realise it myself..

worse.. i just have no idea how i feel about the whole thing.. i can't let go.. i'm madly driven with the joy and the feel of my heart skipping some beats each time.. on msn.. on comments... and of course on sms.. i feel like calling, but sadly i'm not that rich.. i cant stand the international rate.. but in all those joy and love, i've been wondering.. am i doing the right thing?? will i manage to stay in the correct path that the Quddus wants me to follow??

i'm in a dilema.. i dont want to let go, but i keep getting signs..

maybe.. just maybe.. it's something i need to go through.. it's something that will give me the opportunity to become a better person.. but i cant let go.. i'm not ready to let go.. i know that there is no attachment to begin with.. but start to feel that we unconsiously build it.. we unconsiously start tying the string on our fingers..

ya Hadi.. i'm in need of You..