cold war..

he just doesnt know me.. they do not know me.. they just assume they know me.. excuse me people!! dun judge me if u do not know me.. this is just so fucking typical highschool behaviour.. darn.. i never thought that i'll even bother.. but it hurts each time.. i dun care about them.. they can behave like whatever they want to.. but her.. darn.. she's the one that i thought could act mature and tell me js the truth..

i had a fight.. wit him.. a huge one.. maybe he thinks it's just small matter, sorry dude, for me it's big.. he never know how hard it was for be just to be who i am rite now.. not as in how powerful or rich i am.. but to be able to let down all my ego and somehow try to control my temper.. darn.. he doesnt know the real me.. no one knows yet.. some people know me well.. but to the extend where i still control myself.. if they wanted to know how bitch i'm actually is.. they gonna feel sorry for it.. but then, i aint that stupid.. i wouldnt waste the hard work i did for the past five years to change myself.. i manage to come this far.. and i wont bother to entertain him.. but he just made a mistake..

big mistake.. why is it so hard for him to talk about it and solve this matter rite away?? i was trying my best to not get angry.. i even admit it's my fault, although i never actually know who's fault it is.. i rather take the blame, bcause i do not want to become this bitch i was once.. i was fucking ready to take the blame.. and he was just so fucking reluctant to settle the matter.. fuck him.. fuck everyone.. he cant take my joke??? live with it!! how the hell i suppose to know that u dont like my jokes unless u fucking telling me, dude!! i dun like it the way u just kept quite and yet trying to keep secret [of fucking small matters] from me and even lying to me.. i dun mind if u js do it to me.. but dude! be professional!! we are co-worker!! dun bring fucking personal problem to fucking ISN.. everyone has their own matters and still manage to come.. if u couldnt come.. say it fucking cleary and state why! we even made the meeting at fucking 5pm because u said u had fucking replacement class until 4.30pm..

*sigh* even so, i'm kind of glad we had this fight.. if not i wouldnt have known dat she still cares about me.. dat she's the girl that i was once understand.. she's still the girl dat accept me for the way i am.. she's still one of those that know me well enough.. that knows my problem and knows my fucking complex temper.. she's my friend, and fucking face it! i dun mind at all if she's hanging out wit him, or them.. as long as i got her trust and care, that's enough.. and for you information, dude.. friendship is not about fucking comfort! grow up! problems arise! ALL FUCKING TIME!!

i felt i waste my tears for u.. fucking wasting my time care about you, dude.. i though you gonna stay put wit use after ur fucking problem wit ur fucking housemate! darn.. u never learn.. js never learn what friendship is about.. it's about stay together during the hard time!!! darn, i waste my energy again for writing this freaking post.. i never really wanted to put any angry post in this post.. i never meant to become this little temper girl again.. i guess, i js couldnt help it.. this is the only way i could release my anger.. darn..